Anger
For Leslie Ball

Prologue

On her CD, Loring Park, Leslie refers to herself ,
In the third person,
As someone who learned precious little about anger.
This guy? His old man used to say:
“If you can’t say something nice,
Don’t say anything at all.”

I have not been aware of feeling very angry lately.
I’ve just been depressed,
And that’s not like me.
I’ve rarely known depression.
But lately I have been depressed.
I have been depressed, bad.
As bad as the time I was on AZT.
Back then I could cry at the drop of a hat.
That’s how I was Monday
Tears welling up in my eyes all day long.
Even when I was trying to enjoy myself.
I went to the Caetano Veloso concert at Northrop.
His band was this beautiful boat afloat above me,
Sailing atop my vast sea of sadness.
Enough!

Now I am going to enjoy myself
and
I am going to rant
About things I am pissed off about.
My depression is anger turned inward.
So I’m gonna turn it right side out.

Rant

I am angry because the American military and/or the CIA
Have been responsible for crimes ranging from obstructing democracy
To supporting dictatorships
to murder
all in our name, in my lifetime.
Since 1953 this has gone on in
the Philippines,
South Korea,
Albania,
Germany,
Iran,
Guatemala,
The Middle East,
Indonesia,
British Guiana/Guyana,
Vietnam,
Cambodia,
The Congo/Zaire,
Brazil,
The Dominican Republic,
Cuba,
Indonesia,
Chile,
Greece,
East Timor,
Grenada,
Libya,
Panama,
Iraq,
Afghanistan,
El Salvador,
Haiti,
Yugoslavia,
Jamaica,
Morocco,
and Nicaragua

I am angry that the drums of war are beating again in our name,
Fueled with our taxes.
I am angry that anyone would vote for George Bush.
I am angry that anyone would blame his victory on the Green Party.
I am angry that my older brother has prostate cancer.
That Leslie has thyroid Cancer.
That my mother and 8 of her siblings died of cancer.
That Kathy Regalado had to have her thyroid removed
A week after Leslie did.
I am angry that I have HIV.
I am angry that I can’t marry my lover and bring him into this country.
I am angry that Tim Lee is still missing.
I am angry that I got another flat on my bicycle today.
I am angry that I now have to have 2 keys to get into my apartment.
I am angry that I let people take advantage of me.
I am angry that Americans consume too many resources.
I am angry that most of you drove your cars here tonight.
I am angry that we will fight a war for oil.
I am angry that during and afterward
you will be able to continue to drive for cheap.
I am angry at people driving alone.
I am angry at SUV’s and
Pick up trucks.
I am angry at too many gray days.
I am angry at bike paths that end.
I am angry at drivers who honk at me
And cut me off.

I am angry that the richest 1% of this country have 40% of the wealth.
I am angry that the richest 10% of this country have 73% of the wealth.
I am angry that, as part of the 90% getting by on the remaining 27% of the wealth,
I am still wealthier than 90% of the world.

I am angry at ugly graffiti on bridges
I am angry at ugly ads on busses.
I am angry at how ugly Block E is now
I am angry that it is still called Block E.
I am angry that I don’t know what I want to do next.
I am angry at capitalism and globalization.
I am angry at the failure of socialism.
I am angry at my generation for not changing more of the world.
I am angry that I need reading glasses to read this.
I am angry at MPR for being so corporate.
I am angry at Katherine Lampher for colluding with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.
I am angry that the Mississippi River is not clean enough to swim in.
I am angry that television sets and ducks have more freedom to cross our borders
than human beings have.
I am angry that we will not abide by the Tokyo accords.
I am angry at how much coal rolls east across Nicollet Island in train cars every day.
I am angry at how much of my electricity is nuclear.
I am still angry at Mary Abby for reviewing Ron Athey’s show without having seen it.
I am angry. I am angry. I am angry. I am angry. I am angry.

Epilogue

My father used to say…
I am angry at my father for never having been able to talk from the heart.

Epilogue II

My father used to say
“If you don’t like it here,
why don’t you move to Russia?”
or “If you don’t like it here,
why don’t you leave?”

I now realize his wisdom.
I thought he was being flip.
I haven’t given up on this country yet,
But if that’s what it will take
To stop the world’s #1 rogue state,
Or if that’s what it will take
To live with my lover,
I’ll take my Dad up on that.

©2002 Patrick Scully
performed November 6, 2002
at the Southern Theater benefit for Leslie Ball
and the Artist Emergency Relief Fund.

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